I feel like now as a mother I need to document the hairy times. The times where I don't think it can get much worse- and it does. These times happen a little more frequently than they used to- because there are more kids to wreak havoc. I feel like I may want to look back and remember these times, for some reason. I was visiting with a friend after church on Sunday who is pregnant with her first and she was telling me how yucky she feels all the time and wondered if it was that way for me. I found myself saying something like, "Yes, I felt crummy, but it goes by quickly." But if you were to read my journal when I was experiencing my first pregnancy you would find: "I come home from work and head straight to bed. I feel like I want to die and this will never pass. I can't imagine having to care for other kids while feeling this way." How's that for forgetting?
I know, forgetting these things is a blessing. But still, I'm in the thick of it so this is, in reality, is my life.
From here on out you may want to stop eating or skip it all together if you are the squeamish type.
I remember being about 8 months pregnant with Paisley and had volunteered to take Gertrude, Jon's grandma to the doctors. I had three year old Adren and 18 month old Eli with me. Gertrude's appt. was taking about an hour and 1/2 longer than I thought it would, and I was running out of options to keep the boys busy and out of the office plants. Soon enough I could smell Eli and we ventured out to find a restroom in the building. Luckily I found one of those single ones where you have the room to yourself. Unfortunately, there was no changing table and at this point I could see lots of leakage- enough Elie would probably have to fore go clothes. I had no other option than to lay down paper towels on the yucky tile floor, lay Eli down on top of those, and start peeling his clothes off. I still remember thinking, as I was kneeling on that hard tile, with my big belly, trying to wipe him off the best I could while unsuccessfully keeping Adren out of the disgusting toilet- that I had officially hit rock bottom in mother hood. I had not reached such a disgusting low point yet.
Of course, over the years, like all parents, I have experienced many blow-outs- I remember Eli again, just a couple months old choosing to make a mess of himself as soon as we entered the gates of Lagoon. Or trying to change Adren at the table in the food court of the mall surrounded by my sisters, thinking he was just wet and as soon as I pulled off his diaper realized it was fully loaded. That was impossible to clean up.
Just last night a stomach bug hit our family, and poor Adren lost it out on the back porch, in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, on both rugs by the door, and finished all over the walls and closed toilet seat. Then poor Eli lost it at both ends at once while Jon and I just watched helplessly in horror. I find my first reaction is: "Not the couch pillows!" and my second, "poor Eli." That was just the first round of a very long night. My washer is currently on load #5 and it's not even 2:30.
I know others have tales that would put mine to shame. This is all part of parenting. As tired as I am, there is a little part of joy in bathing a sick child at 3am, getting them wrapped up cozy, laying down clean bedding and rubbing their back until they fall back asleep. They are so helpless and need me so badly. This is where those thick bonds of love are formed and strengthened. This is where Jon and I appreciate each other more than ever. It has actually crossed my mind at these times- What if I was a single parent and I had to work in the morning?!!! - It could always be worse! I also think about my aunt Melinda and Granny and the struggles they must have gone through. At least I know these stages will be outgrown and it's not forever.
It seems the mischief sets in as soon as the kids hear the shower start. Even 15 month old Zeke gets that I'm tied up for a bit. You'd think 6 years later I'd learn to shower early- first thing- before the kids are up and moving. Uh-uh. I can hear chairs moving around in the kitchen- to aid in ripping open that box of cereal on the top shelf, doors slamming shut- was that the front door???! I've often thought about a way I could trap them all together in one spot where they couldn't move- duct tape? Barricade them in their bedroom? Car? It would only be for 20 minutes....... I've come downstairs to find the jar of peanut butter smeared in clumps all over the carpet, milk and kool-aid spilled all over the counter and floor in attempts to poor it themselves- of course every drawer was open so a sticky puddle can collect in each one. Flour spilled everywhere, muddy bikes brought in to ride- and all sorts of contents from drawers and cupboards strewn about. Paisley get's into my makeup any and every chance she gets. My eyeshadow is always crumbled, my makeup brushes wet, I can't find most of what I just bought. I know there's trouble when she comes in grinning from ear to ear covered in red lipstick.
I'm grateful the boys are at an age now where they'll stop Zeke from getting too out of hand- but some things they can't. Like Adren informing me through the shower door, "Zeke is on the computer desk making a mess and he's trying to climb on top of the fireplace. I can't get him down." Oh- OK. Just let me get this soap out of my eyes.....
I still try to tackle crazy projects- painting walls while trying to keep busy hands out of the paint tray or snatching up a wet brush. Lot's of crying at my feet while madly trying to sew up just one more curtain panel. Hammering and sanding while trying to grab nails away from someones mouth and the hammer from someone else because after so much pounding on the kitchen tiles, ones bound to crack.
I know I bring a lot of this on myself. I have no business re-decorating a room when I've got hungry, dirty kids begging for some love.
A friend in the ward recently emailed me an article on parenting. (we've been taking a parenting class together) The article was about how parenting is all joy and no fun. I found a lot of the article humorous, and very true to how I feel most days- but I was suprised to read the results of different polls taken on how many parents are just winging it. They don't have a real plan on what they want from or for their children. It used to be that we needed our kids for the help. We needed more hands to manage the physical work load it took to run a home and farm. Now, we have kids and feel a need to put them in every sport, play several musical instruments, enroll them in different classes and keep a high paced, expensive upbringing when all they really want and need is our time and love. It made me feel grateful to have a plan.
I remember my job before I became a mother and being in charge of overseeing the employees. I remember constantly trying to prioritize my time so I wouldn't have to work late into the night. Now, as a full time mother, I see it as my Heavenly Father is my employer. He has given me this job of raising these children. I need to help them develop a relationship with their Savior so they can do the same with their children. My priorities become so much clearer and my day such less hectic when I think of it this way.
I have a feeling the best and worst is yet to come!
